Vampires are dumb.
They murder unnecessarily.
They’re fly-by-night citizens.
even. What’s going on
in the Transylvanian school district?
These kids don’t need blood;
they need proper educations.
Go get a degree in pre-med
from Penn State, Nosy Jr.
It’s 2022. Fresh blood is readily
available. That movie was literally
a century ago. Maybe
they’re just anarchists,
nihilists. You know,
bad people. All I’m saying is
I want a little more bureaucracy
in my horror. It may not be
the captivating narrative all the chichi
kids clamor for. But it’s the honest,
sensible narrative that honest, red-
blooded taxpayers deserve.