Why Don’t Vampires Just Hold Blood Drives?

Vampires are dumb.
They murder unnecessarily.

They’re fly-by-night citizens.

even. What’s going on
in the Transylvanian school district?

These kids don’t need blood;
they need proper educations.

Go get a degree in pre-med
from Penn State, Nosy Jr.

It’s 2022. Fresh blood is readily
available. That movie was literally

a century ago. Maybe
they’re just anarchists,

nihilists. You know,
bad people. All I’m saying is

I want a little more bureaucracy
in my horror. It may not be

the captivating narrative all the chichi
kids clamor for. But it’s the honest,

sensible narrative that honest, red-
blooded taxpayers deserve.

April 12, 2023

Erik Moyer

Erik Moyer is from Hillsborough, New Jersey. He holds a BS from the University of Virginia, an MFA from the University of California, Irvine, and is currently a creative writing PhD student and graduate instructor at the University of North Texas. His work has been featured in Apricity, Bluestem, Constellations, Hawaii Pacific Review, Little Patuxent Review, and Lullwater Review, among others. He has been nominated for a Pushcart Prize. Outside of school, he works as a data scientist.

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